It is so much fun to live a life of excess. It is something that people rarely get to do. But thanks to a recent influx of Bed Bath and Beyond gift cards, that is exactly what we got to do tonight. Fancy Faux glass cup for the bathroom with a metal base? Absolutely. Eight dollar cheese grater? Throw it in the cart! Collander that extends over the sink so you don't have to hold it?!? Your wish is my command! IRONING BOARD??!!??!!?? YOU BET YER SWEET BUNS MISSY! The crowning jewel of course was the way over the top fifty dollar vacuum cleaner we got. Now I know that fifty doesn't seem like much to some people, but that is totally 50 tacos from a taco wagon that we didn't get, so that is big news mister.
Honestly though, it was good to get some of these things. I really don't know how people survived before they had potato chip slicers on the side of their cheese grater. It's all a mystery to me.
As if this shopping spree was not enough, we topped our splurge off with a classy meal at DQ. That's right. Six chicken strips in a basket, french fries, and a couple of blizzards. We know how to live the life.
Now, we don't want people to go out and get all jealous of the fact that we bought nice things tonight, like, say, a soap dish, but we do feel the need to brag about the fact that we got Janette a body pillow so that she doesn't have to fall asleep clutching my thigh.
OK, here is where I need to clarify something by way of a story.
I'm a bit of a hot body. Janette is not. I need space when I sleep. Janette does not. Usually this is ok, but last night Janette needed to cuddle herself to sleep. Cool. Well, I fell asleep with a human blanket, and everything was good until about one in the morning. I woke up feeling like I was doing laps in an olympic pool. EVERYTHING was soaked. Like a big shaggy dog had dried off in our bed. Of course, waking up to a soaking bed, my first thought was... "Did I wet the bed?" I SO wish I was joking. So I touched a wet spot and then sniffed my hand. Conclusion: not urine, but I was not satisfied. I turned on the lamp, threw back the covers and looked at myself and then inspected Janette to make sure that there were no conspicuous stains. Luckily, it wasn't pee.
Moral of the story: Buy a body pillow for her to hold at night, and that way you don't sweat so much that you wake up feeling confused and insecure.
I REALLY wish that story were not true.
G'evening